Farlops Industries

See, back in early November, after Odinmank learned of Wade's death, he launched a flaming lantern with Wade's name on it. He sent me some mail in early January about it. Well, let him say it himself:

"Greetings from Cambodia,

"I wanted to send you a couple of photos from early November. In the week after I learned of Wade's death, they had a festival in Thailand called Loy Krathong. During the festival, celebrants float incense laden floating altars constructed from flowers and leaves with candles and sparklers out into the river. Also they release flaming lanterns into the sky. This is a purgative festival--cleansing the old and bringing renewal-- also by participating one acquires merit. Anyways many write messages on the lanterns before launching them, so I launched one in memory of Wade.

"Enclosed are the pics--"

This was an incredibly cool way to mark his death. Thanks, Tobe.

I think Wade's death is a turning point in my own life. For a nearly 18 years there was my life with Wade and now there is my life without him. I think about Wade's "life checklist" that he was so intent on retaining. Years earlier, when I was in university, I had a similar checklist. Luckily I learned in time that such things can be defeating. Wade didn't learn that. In many ways he was very ernest and intent person. He had a set of rules and stuck to them. If he were here--and several occasions I did say this to him--I'd tell him sometimes you have to let some rules go.

I guess I'm angry with him for not accepting that. Not that there was anything I really could of have done to change his mind. Wade was an adult. And I believe strongly in autonomy.

I'm angry with Wade and I still loved him. Emotions are complicated.